Paper short abstract:

This paper reflects on fieldwork no longer accessible in the North Caucasus, Russia. It examines the complexities that emerged during this fieldwork and the feelings of nostalgia, regret, and longing in the absence of a return. It questions the place of such fragmentary fieldwork in anthropology.

Paper long abstract:

On 24 February 2022 and in the months thereafter, I watched in shock and disbelief as Russia’s invasion of Ukraine unraveled my fieldwork plans in the North Caucasus. Two years earlier, my plans had been cut short by Covid-19 pandemic border closings and I was expectantly planning my return to the North Caucasus for the first time since 2019. As it became clear that I would be unable to return, I began to reflect on my initial fieldwork stays in the summers of 2018 and 2019, as a Ph.D. student completing graduate coursework. I was filled with guilt and doubt that I had not used my time in the North Caucasus as wisely or productively as possible, and that I did not appreciate it or take advantage of it as I should have while there. As a female scholar in the North Caucasus traveling on a United States passport, I had not only navigated gender dynamics but also surveillance and constraints placed on me by the Russian Federal Security Service (FSB), which was embedded in the regional university that sponsored my research visa.

Through the lens of longing, regret, and nostalgia, I reflect as an early-career scholar on fieldwork in Uchkulan and Dombay, two mountainous villages in the Republic of Karachay-Cherkessia. I discuss the realities I faced, as well as the ethical, methodological, and security challenges I encountered while attempting to balance the expectations of my Ph.D. program, home and host institutions, and local collaborators in the field.