Paper short abstract:

As Chinese society becomes more competitive, young people are criticised as self-centred and ‘hedonistic’. However, choosing a marriage partner remains a family affair. Youngsters speak of ‘romantic’ love and compare it to their parents’ views, revealing both continuity and change across the Reform.

Paper long abstract:

The title of this paper echoes the words of Ma Nuo, a Chinese girl who recently became famous by taking part to the matchmaking TV programme 'Feicheng Wurao' (If You Are Not The One). Ma Nuo's words fuelled the already heated public debate on the 'rise of materialism' in China. According to many, in fact, she represents a 'hedonistic' generation concerned with personal wealth and glamour rather than with national and family values.

This paper explores the ways in which young people in urban China frame and pursue their aspirations around coupling and marriage.

Nowadays, young Chinese must compete on the job market to be able to afford those goods and services that were once state-provided. In this increasingly insecure context, marriage represents a vital opportunity to consolidate one's social, symbolic and economic capital. Besides, marriage remains a family affair in which relatives retain an important say, notwithstanding the large amount of autonomy that many young people enjoy.

At the same time, many youngsters frame their experiences in terms of 'romantic' love, comparing them to the stories of their relatives, who lived during pre- and early-Reform times. These comparisons, however, reveal both continuity and change across the Reform watershed.

Ideas of 'materialism', 'romantic love' and family pressure might seem at odds with each other. Yet, in the context of everyday practice the presence of different moral discourses allows people to frame their choices in terms that defy binary divisions between modern and traditional, individual and collective, emotional and material.