Paper long abstract:

Suspicion in ethnographic field contexts is often rooted in the perception that the anthropologist as outsider has personal, professional or political interests that are different to those of her interlocutors. I draw on my ethnographic research in the BDSM (Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism) scene in Melbourne, Australia, to illustrate how suspicion may also arise when our informants position us as insider or as 'one of them'. My initial refusal to adopt a BDSM role (e.g. dominant or submissive) or to participate in BDSM practices led to enormous suspicions based on why I was unwilling to acknowledge my alleged BDSM identity. These suspicions had profound consequences for my research, and increasing my access to knowledge became dependent on my willingness to participate. In contrast to many ethnographic field experiences, gaining the trust of my informants required me to prove my difference and to maintain rather than destabilise the self/other distinction.