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Paper short abstract:

This paper explores how marriage migration undermines narratives of romantic love and idealized conjugal futures. In particular, African-Australian couples' feelings of lacking important feminine and masculine characteristics that instigated marriage migration threaten the romantic experience.

Paper long abstract:

This paper explores how marriage migration undermines narratives of romantic love and idealized conjugal futures. In particular, African-Australian couples' feelings of lacking important feminine and masculine characteristics that instigated marriage migration threaten the romantic experience. Prior to marriage migration, Australian women's notions of self do not relate to hegemonic beauty ideals and femininity. And for African men, their lower socio-economic status does not match context-specific hegemonic masculinities. Intercultural relationships seem to compensate feelings of such inadequacy: marriage migration offers men a climb on the socio-economic ladder, and for women, bodies and selves become accepted and celebrated. Simultaneously, or perhaps because of this, African-Australian relationships often start off with romantic first dates, feelings of pure love and finding one's soul mate. While happy endings are imagined and desired, marriage migration and life in Australia is experienced as difficult by both men and women. The migration journey affects men's feelings of being a man, as adjusting to this new reality is much harder than previously envisioned. A lack of control, and feelings of dependency on their Australian partners leave African men feeling emasculated. For Australian women, issues with femininity are not resolved because of their relationships. Everyday life with their partners turns out to be less special, less exotic, and more stressful than imagined. For both African men as well as Australian women, highly romanticized futures of a happily ever after, as well as of their partners, are often crushed by everyday realities of racism, stereotyping and othering.