Paper short abstract:

This paper explores how Japanese gay men living in urban areas come to realize at a shocking moment the need of reconsidering their anonymous, provisional, and ephemeral sexual relationships and seek for a more personal, committed, and long-term bond.

Paper long abstract:

This paper explores recent transformations of some Japanese gay men who seek to leave "their side of the world" for "that side." What they call "this side of the world" is a loosely shared perception of gay life in Japan. This term, in their discourse, is contrasted with "that side," the imagined heterosexual life with idealized norms such as monogamy, intimacy, and personal bond. I propose to examine "this" and "that" sides that appear in the discourses of life histories of gay men in this paper.

The boundary between "this" and "that" sides has arisen prominently when some gay men faced life-changing circumstances, such as HIV infection and betrayal of partnership. These gay men experience "this side" as isolation or loneliness in their anonymous, provisional, and ephemeral relationships, formed within their impersonal network of sexual encounters. They reflect on their previous relationships via "that side," idealizing certain normative aspects of heterosexual relationships and perceiving "this side" as lacking in those norms. Then they desire a stable and personal relationship with others.

To these gay men, "this side of the world" consists of non-heterosexual kinship, excluded from the normative marriage system of "that side." Gay marriage is not yet legalized in Japan, while more gay couples choose to commit to their long-term, monogamous relationship. Against this background, this paper examines the possibility of kinship that emerge in the tension between "this side" and "that side" of the world as experienced by them.