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Paper short abstract

Indirect expression of irritation within the context of in-law relationships, as managing emotions while managing relationships.

Paper long abstract

This paper examines the expression of emotional experiences of irritation in everyday interactions. Focusing on kin-in-law relationships in Harare, Zimbabwe, I examine how irritation expression is framed through prayer, song and jokes -adaptations of the bembera custom among Shona people. Grounded in ethnographic observations and interviews, the study demonstrates how expression of irritation is shaped by hunhu —a relational ethic of personhood— and is simultaneously constitutive of the performance of hunhu in specific in‑law settings. Rather than viewing irritation as a personal experience to be suppressed or as fuel for confrontation, performers route complaints through allusive communication to God and, indirectly, to a live audience, turning personal discomfort into a moral message that is delivered without direct accusation. In doing so, fragile relationships are protected while boundaries and obligations are reinforced. The indirect expression of irritation forms a legitimate channel for protest against perceived injustice, while advancing hunhu values of commitment to respect, restraint, and communal accountability alongside Christian ideals of forgiveness and self‑control. Symbolically, these performances appeal to a metaphysical realm for intervention, thereby portraying human conflict and cooperation as subjects to higher-order evaluation. I conclude that the expression of irritation, when carried out indirectly, is not merely a coping mechanism, but also regulates relationships, constitutes ethical personhood, and provides culturally sanctioned pathways for critique within the constraints of kinship.