Paper short abstract:

Having completed my PhD about the 1999-2004 wars in Ambon, Indonesia, in this paper I would like to share my reflections about what accountability and responsible research mean to me as someone who decided to do research with her own community instead of about them.

Paper long abstract:

I just started my PhD in The Netherlands back in 2012, when a family friend I met during an event asked what my PhD was about. My research was set to understand the violence generally framed as ethno-religious conflict between Muslims and Christians in Ambon, the capital of Indonesia's province of Maluku. So responding to his question, I answered, that my PhD was about the Ambon Conflict.

I shall never forget his expression when he quietly responded that Ambon had given many people their PhDs. After all, ever since the early years of the conflict international researchers pursuing their doctoral degrees have visited Ambon for their fieldwork. I was to be one of them, of course. Yes, I am also an Ambonese who went through a violent conflict myself. Yet what makes me different from others who obtained their PhDs because Ambon went through years of violence?

This brief encounter (still) serves as a reminder throughout my research journey, reminding me of whom I should be accountable to. It cannot and should not be just the scientific community. I should be able to be held accountable by the people of Ambon who went through the wars between 1999-2004, whose embodied experiences of violence, whose stories and (re)memories led me to my academic degree.

In this space, allow me to share some of my reflections about what accountability and responsible research mean to me as someone who decided to do research with her own community instead of about them.